A Double-Edged Sword: Compliments on Weight Loss

Conversations around dieting and the pursuit of weight loss have become extremely common in our society – just think about your workplace breakrooms, your last extended family gathering, or discussions with your medical providers (especially when you live in a larger body).

It is fairly understood that direct, negative comments on someone’s body can be hurtful – such as inferring someone has gained weight, or suggesting someone should lose weight. Research has overwhelmingly demonstrated that body shaming is associated with increased negative mood, body dissatisfaction and disordered eating behaviours (Hermann, 2015).

However, far less commonly understood are the impacts even well-intended compliments can have. In the world of eating disorders, this is especially true. This is unsurprising, as much of the research relating to body dissatisfaction focuses on disparaging comments.

Through both empirical data and lived-experience stories, we have come to understand that complimenting someone’s weight loss is a ‘double-edged sword’. Although meant to be flattering, these comments have been shown to reinforce disordered eating behaviours used to lose the weight (Kuok, 2023). Some examples of these behaviours are restrictive eating and ignoring hunger; “compensating” or purging after eating; misusing laxatives or diuretics; engaging in driven exercise that ignores the body’s need for rest; and prioritizing appearance over health.

What makes harmful outcomes even more likely is the fact that those with eating-disorder tendencies commonly interpret ambiguous social information (such as unsolicited comments) as critical or rejective, further driving the desire to control one’s body to avoid judgment from others (Calogero et al., 2009).

Some consequential interpretations compliments on weight loss can result in:

• Others notice my weight or surveil my body
• I receive more positive attention when I control my body or am smaller
• I need to continue to engage in disordered behaviours to keep the weight off, or to lose more weight, otherwise I will be judged
• It is more important to others that I am thin than I am healthy
• I am worth less to others when I live in a larger body

These interpretations can also lead people to start seeing their bodies mainly through the eyes of others. Instead of viewing the body as something that helps them live, move and experience life, they may begin to see it mostly as something to be looked at or judged (Kite & Kite, 2020). In other words, a person may start to feel like their value comes from how their body appears to others – an object, rather than a living being.

These interpretations can also increase what researchers call body surveillance (Calogero et al., 2009). This means constantly monitoring or checking the body. It can look like closely tracking what, when or how much you’re eating; planning exercise around burning calories; repeatedly checking your body for changes; or judging whether your efforts are a “success” or “failure”. People may also become more focused on strict food rules and the idea of “maintaining control”.

Researchers have found that even when people feel flattered after receiving appearance compliments, unhelpful thoughts and behaviours still increase. In a study of 220 college-aged women from diverse backgrounds, receiving compliments about appearance was linked to higher levels of body surveillance and body dissatisfaction (Calogero et al., 2009). This suggests that even well-meant comments can unintentionally reinforce these unhealthy patterns.

Researchers have a name for this effect: complimentary weightism (Calogero et al., 2009). This refers to appearance compliments that seem harmless on the surface but can still negatively affect how people think about their bodies and their self-worth.

What does all of this mean?

If you are asking “well, how do I compliment someone’s body without being offensive?”, the answer you may be looking for is not supported by research. Any form of commenting on another person’s body, weight, shape, or appearance seems to be dominantly negative in the research. Essentially, there is really no way to go about it without risking offense or harm.

So, let’s move away from commenting on bodies entirely. As a society, we need to find ways to uplift and compliment others without referencing appearance. People are so much more than their weight and appearance, and working to highlight this fact is the best way to proceed.

Try practicing the “rule” of not commenting on other people’s bodies. Period.

References

Calogero, R. M., Herbozo, S., & Thompson, J. K. (2009). Complimentary weightism: The potential costs of appearance-related commentary for women’s self-objectification. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 33(1), 120–132.

Herrman, A. R. (2015). The dark side of compliments: An explorative analysis of what’s eating you. Qualitative Research Reports in Communication, 16(1), 56–64.

Kite, L., & Kite, L. (2020). More than a body: Your body is an instrument, not an ornament. Harvest.

Kuok, Y. K. (2023). Do disordered eating tendencies predict changes in affect and weight gain concern after receiving health-related compliments?: the role of valence of interpretation. HKU Theses Online (HKUTO).